Good evening, Mrs. Audience,
And Mr. Audience, too;
I hope you're glad to see me,
And will like me 'fore I'm through.
I'm here to bid you welcome,
I'm sure I like your style;
We'll soon become right friendly
If you will only smile.

I'll try to entertain you
With monologue and rhyme--
But if you won't assist me
We'll have a dreadful time.
The world is full of worry,
Let's forget it for a while,
And take a trip to Funland--
So stretch your mouth and smile.

Some speakers talk of trouble,
Of pessimistic creeds,
But just an S-M-I-L-E [spell]
Is all the old world needs.
Be gay, enthusiastic,
And cheerful all the while,
Forget your gloom and worries,
And smile, smile, smile!

And now the ice is broken,
We're friends, that's how it stands,
And if you feel as I do,
You'll tell me with your hands, [Pantomimes applause]
With song and jest and story,
I shall an hour beguile;
I'll do my best to please you,
If you'll smile, smile, smile!